As we are all staying at home and waiting for the Coronavirus pandemic to pass, we are suddenly given a lot of time in our hands. It is the perfect moment to use that time to reflect on the balance in our lives and what we can do to heal and recover from all the hustle and bustle that just a few weeks ago seemed never-ending. Joining Michael Silvers today is Larry Gilman, a facilitator at The Mastery Workshops. Larry encourages us to use the time that we have now to build our relationships with the people around us, discover things that you are passionate about, and, as a whole, give our minds and bodies the chance to recover.
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Personal Healing And Recovery During The Coronavirus Pandemic With Larry Gilman
I’m going to talk about something that’s going on and I know you’ll be reading this in the future and you’ll be like, “We’re through that. We’re now at something else.” There’s always something that’s going to come up in life that creates that block that moves us forward. It’s how we deal with it at the moment. A lot of us are in our homes because we’re staying safe not for us, but we’re staying safe because we’re creating safety for others out there. We’re making sure that the essential workers don’t have more than they need to do. We’re making sure that we’re not in a car accident that doesn’t need to happen. We need to take care of those that need to be taken care of, the medical system, elderly people with challenges, people who don’t handle it as well and to show our children that were asked to stay home. My grandparents were asked to go to war and I’m being asked to stay home. We can do this. It’s time to do that and do this for ourselves.
I’m about to introduce Larry Gilman. I knew Larry before, but I was told many times by another mentor of mine, T. Harv Eker, “You need to go to that course. If you’re going to continue down this road with me or with doing anything with Peak Potentials, you’re going to go to this man’s course.” When I went to Mastery, I cried and laughed. I thought, “I’ve been to a million courses like this.” The first night, I’m crying and I’m like, “I cannot believe this.” It changed my life on the first night. I had been going to fifteen years of personal development and working on myself. I know it’s a lifelong journey. I do understand, but this man’s course changed my life. Being on stage for me has never been the same because I realized clearly, it’s not about me. I’m going to turn this over. Let him talk as much as he wants because it did change my life. He’ll tell you some about his background. When you’re at home, make as many notes as you can because this is the interview that is going to be important for you at this moment and at any moment in your life. I’d like to give a huge thunderous warm welcome to Mr. Larry Gilman.
Thank you so much, Michael. You touched on a couple of things that are important. The first one was perspective. The unfortunate part is I don’t know that all of our leaders have the perspective without getting political because the amazing thing is this virus doesn’t care if you’re Republican, Independent or Democrat. It kills or affects everybody. Not to have perspective, Obama set it up years ago and they took it down. It was the PREDICT organization, which was there because they knew H1N1, SARS, MERS and Ebola all happened within our lifetimes. It didn’t take brain surgery to go, “This is happening all the time. What can we do? Let’s set up an organization that can look at this and be able to be prepared.” What does this guy do? Without me going into a huge rant, he disorganized and he took it out because it would save $5 million a year.
This organization was only there for people so that they could not only see this coming. If we look at the historical facts, in November 2019, China knew they had it. In December, it started coming out. We know we have intelligence and we knew about it. If you do not read the intelligence reports, which repeatedly he has said he does not pay attention to, he could have known. They came out with it in public. I’m not just ranting. Please, everybody understand me. I am angry because of the inaction and the lack of consciousness to take care of the people that you said you wanted to take care of by being elected. He has claimed no responsibility. I’m talking about vision, consciousness and responsibility. Each of us doesn’t matter, whether you like it or not.
One of the teaching things that I do, coming from an Aristotelian point of view, is a thing is what it is. You do not have to like it, but not seeing reality because you don’t like it and you don’t want it to be there, does not make it go away. For me, we have smart people who refuse to see the reality as it is because it doesn’t fit with the image of themselves or how they want to be perceived or how they want to take it. In this case, though, this is costing people’s lives. He said years ago, “I could walk down Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody.” Now, you don’t even have to walk down because of your inaction and you didn’t want to believe it. You refuse to read intelligence reports and you even got memos from people who told you.
This is now public information. I’m not making this stuff up. People have died. American lives have been lost. Other people would say, “I want to shake people.” This is on a major scale, but this is the same thing on a personal scale. One of the things we need to have not only perspective on is we need to set ourselves up for the future. We cannot pretend like we don’t know what we know and because we don’t like it, we say, “It’s not going to happen.” The other thing, which is infuriating, is people all over the world are dying. They’re getting sick and their immune systems are being compromised. He’s making money off of people’s illness. One of the primary tenets is the President should not be invested in anything that he will get monetary value for. He says, “I’m not a doctor,” but then he’s prescribing things for medicine.
I don’t care if he’s Republican or Democrat. What I’m looking at is the person who is making choices that are not responsible to take care of America, and he’s the only one benefiting. You can’t do his rallies anymore. He’s taking these press conferences and making it about him, rather than American people. We don’t have enough medical equipment and supplies. The point is if we’re going to look at this as a personal crisis, I want everybody to look at and start looking at the facts, not the opinions and what you believe. Beliefs are not facts. Beliefs are based on us being right about our beliefs. It’s not bad, but you’ve got to know it’s not a fact. For us, this is about getting conscious. Most people do not want to get conscious because then they have to confront reality, rather than trying to negotiate reality. All we’ve been seeing is he’s negotiated reality until he cannot, and it has killed people. Most of us on our level don’t kill people, but we also are not acting as smart as we are. We’re pretending to be conscious when we’re not being conscious because we don’t like the reality, so we try to negotiate it.
In terms of perspective, for all of us, we can’t imagine that this is going to go away. We can’t imagine that if we don’t pay attention to our relationships, the problem will solve itself. We can’t pretend if we do not handle a problem in business, it’s going to go away. We can pretend the biggest one is if I don’t like something, I can pretend like it’s not there and it’s not going to affect me, my vulnerability and openness. My ability to be in a relationship with people and the ability to do something in a way that allows people to get bigger, be more of themselves, and be more vulnerable without it looking like it’s going to be a threat to me. This is a great example on a micro-scale of what we don’t like to look at and we don’t want to confront. Confront, if you look at the root of the word is meeting with, the “con” with “front,” in front of me. It’s meeting with those situations that are tough. Life is tough, but it’s also easy. Where the toughness comes in, we resist what’s right in front of us and the more you resist it, the more it stays there because you’re already putting up pressure against it. You’re holding it in place by resisting it.
Most people don’t want to get conscious because then they have to confront reality rather than try to negotiate it. Click To TweetMany people that I talk to are hooked and can’t let go, whether they’re watching CNN, Fox or MSNBC. They’re like, “I want to know what’s going on,” because there is that fear that it’s not going to end. They are watching it ten hours a day.
It’s feeding into the system of not only fear. Most of what’s happened the last couple of years have been fear-based and horrible things have started to happen because of that. It will probably take years to resurrect. However, with this balance that we used to have in life before this, almost everybody is out of balance and they don’t have a lot of outlets to express without justifying or without defending. One of the things that is so important is to get the facts of what’s day-to-day because they’re helpful and they’re changing. For one week, you’re not supposed to wear masks and now, it’s mandated. You’re supposed to wear mask, gloves, goggles and six-feet social distance. That’s important and great information. Don’t go out unless you have to. Stay in place. The more we stay in place, the less it’ll propagate, which the number seems to be bearing that out.
If we can stay the course, we cannot get unconscious or pretend like it’s still not going on because we’re impatient. “My parents fought a war. I can stay at home.” Yes. You may have to get back into a relationship with your relationships. Not only with them but with yourself about your relationship because it’s always me, the other person in the relationship, and then my relationship not only with me but my relationship with the relationship. Let alone my relationship with the other person. People want it to go away. They want it to be easy rather than expanding. We have a chance through life every day to be more vulnerable, to be more open, to meet with the things that we like and don’t like. We have a chance to grow up, take the next step, be more compassionate, be kinder, look at our system and how right we are about being right. It’s not bad that you’re right, but if you get right about being right, you get righteous and you stop seeing. When you stop seeing, it’s only about protecting your point of view, your way of doing it and your way of understanding.
We then stop to see the other person as a human being and started to see them as a problem, enemy, the cause of my frustration, anger and upset. That’s where people don’t want to take responsibility. Anything that happens to us is ours. If we’re a little kid, that’s something different. If someone means to hurt us, we can be a victim of the incident, but we need to be responsible for putting ourselves in that place, to begin with. We see things way ahead of when they become right in our faces and then we want to blame the other person for us not being responsible for what we saw because it’s an upset. For me, an upset is the set of how I am doing things is up to take a look at. People say, “I’m upset,” and they want you to be responsible for their upset. It’s you’re upset. You’re set is the one that’s up for looking at. I may have said something and I may have done something that caused that, but it’s yours. We need to start being responsible.
The hard part is when day after day, you see someone who refuses to take responsibility than the country at large, let alone the communities, states and regions. He’s a blamer. He has no responsibility for anything, except for things that are untrue that he wants to take credit for. There’s a lot of things. However, we can change it. We are the only ones in this country who can say, “No more.” I’ve been surprised at how people are being extraordinarily creative on how to get out of this state or having to come up with their own money. People are helping and donating things to doctors and to medical people for supplies, extra ventilators and money for that to take care of it. Where’s the leadership? If we take it back on a personal level, where do you let go of the leadership of your life, yourself, what you know and what you’re vulnerable to. It’s all going to be messy. There is no life that’s clean, except if you’re living in a cave, then already you’re dirty.
There are electronic computers. I was on with Apple for two hours and it’s all messy in there. The guy was even saying, “These guys like to sneak and they hide back. We have to look for all the places where they’ve hidden.” We, as people, have an opportunity that we are home. “If only I had the time.” We have the time to start looking at where’s our balance in our life? Are we working way too much and not taking care of ourselves or giving ourselves a chance to recover? We can go back and do the next day in some great shape as opposed to, “I can’t wait for the weekend,” and then you collapse. Where’s our balance in our relationships? How much money we need or how much money we have to make or how much time we put into that? As opposed to, “What do we let go of?” The relationship itself, relationship with our loved ones, with our business partners and with people we’re talking to.
We’ve looked for shortcuts to get the content versus the relationship. In every single business and every single partner relationship, the more attention you pay to the relationship, not only does you credibility and trust go up, but the fact that everyone feels valued. By being valued, they give more of themselves because as they give more, they are acknowledged for getting more value back. This is a great time to take a look and see, who have I not acknowledged? Who have I not told that I care about them? Who have I not told that they make a huge difference in my life and that every little thing they do makes a difference? This is a great time to discover what you are passionate about that you’ve never given yourself permission to follow through on? This is a great time for people to start playing the piano, painting, writing, drawing, singing or even appreciating going out in nature.
I created something several years ago that I never knew would be such a godsend. I created a vineyard. Everybody thought I was totally nuts. There’s no guarantee on any of it, except that every step along the way, I was thrilled with my ability to figure it out, create it and make something, and now that was quite beautiful. Along the way, it wasn’t. People thought I was freaking nuts. Have I ever done this before? No. All the stuff that we run into. Now, I go up there and to be able to work outside and be in nature, to be able to dig in the soil and do all the little things that make the vines healthy and the hill healthy and the ability to keep coming up with solving problems and the situations as they come up. I don’t like them all, but if I don’t solve them, I get bitten in the butt. The cool thing about the vineyard is year after year, it tells me right there, but if I do solve it, I take care of it for the next year having a perspective to say, “If I plant this, I have to wait for a minimum 4 or 5 years before I even ever see the possibility of grape growing. Even if it grows, there’s no guarantee it’ll be good. Even if it’s good, there’s no guarantee it’ll make good wine or it’ll be a good harvest. Even if it’s a good harvest, there’s no guarantee that once everything’s done, it’s going to make a good wine.”
It’s all because of being passionate about the process, not just the result. By doing this, I’ve given my family a chance to go outside, be safe, dig in the earth and feel. Everything you do in the vineyard, you can almost see the result right away. This is a great deal of satisfaction. Who knew that by having some perspective and saying, “I’m following my passion now?” Years later, it’s going to be this place where I’m not housebound. I can go up the hill right behind my house. I feel great and be out in the air and take a look at the vistas. Now, that there are not so many cars driving, the air is cleaner and the Earth is taking a breath. All of the joy of coming down and being dirty. You go, “This is awesome.” We do need to have a perspective.
I know people are in trouble economically. Why have we not planned for the future? Not to set yourself up totally, but from the beginning when I was working as a waiter, selling flowers, being a telephone guy, managing a restaurant, working in a steel mill and all of that stuff, I always saved something for myself. I always thought, “I need to pay myself in someplace I am not going to touch. That’s going to be for me just in case.” How come people aren’t doing that? What’s the big deal about having that extra shirt or extra pair of pants? It’s great. Not if you put yourself in jeopardy that you cannot handle yourself. Financial people have been telling this for a long time. Where’s everybody been while this is a great wakeup call? It’s like, “How many times do you have to hear the same thing until you finally go, ‘I got it?’”
I heard this one time and I was talking to my wife. I don’t remember who it was from, but we’re so into now. It’s about, “To do, we lost the part about to be.”
Out of this is exactly what you’re talking about. It’s being able to see your face versus I talked to you on the phone. To see each other, it brings back our connection. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple of years. When we were not just in Mastery but before, through Peak events and other things, we always got to share some camaraderie, vulnerability and sense where we took a piece of each other away with us that lives within. Even though it’s been a couple of years, as soon as we see each other, we’re back connected.
This connection is such a huge piece of the human spirit. When we’re babies and we’re born, we know that when babies are not held, they’re not given affection, tenderness, care and love, the spirit withers. We are just babies but bigger. We still need affection, care, tenderness and love. Creatively, we’ve pretended like we can live without it at the expense of our spirit and nurturing. If nothing else, being able to use Zoom, Skype or FaceTime, we can see people more. People are looking to connect again, not just speak. I’ve watched people who in their busy lives do a FaceTime or Zoom or they do something. They’re still busy doing rather than the virtual cocktail party or the virtual glass of wine.
I’ve seen a lot of that. They are having those.
We’re spending an hour at a time with another couple or two other couples just talking and this is only us. We’re asking questions. How are you? Are you scared? Are you angry? Are you overwhelmed? Are you depressed? Are you cut off? Because you don’t want to feel so much as you feel. One of the huge things people have to come to realize is the sensitivity that all resides in us. It’s right there and it does not get in the way of business and relationships. It enhances them and deepens them. I know you’ve worked with people who have gotten wealthy and God bless them, but at the cost of what?
There’s the other side.
This is a great time to discover what you’re passionate about that you’ve never given yourself permission to follow through. Click To TweetWe’re going to have a more perfect union that’s not state verbiage. It’s a more perfect union with ourselves and with the people we most care about. We have to breathe, go slower and enrich the moment. You mentioned Harv before. Harv even said, “I probably would have still done the things I did, but I would have gone so much slower because the toll is on our body, spirits and our ability to recover.” Sportspeople know if you do not give yourself a chance to recover, you start playing hurt. As soon as you start playing hurt, you get hurt more. We need to know that as human beings. If we’re playing hurt in a relationship and we pretend like it doesn’t matter, we get hurt more. We cannot keep pretending like we’re not conscious of the things that we are conscious of. We cannot keep pretending, “I don’t like it. Therefore, I can deny it and it’ll go away.” It won’t. A thing is what it is. To own it or be responsible for it the way it is, then we can create. Without that second step, without the acknowledgment of it is, even if it sucks, there it is.
Also, what people will discover if they start to look at that and see reality as it is, they start to discover how able they are compared to no one else. If I compare myself to somebody else, I immediately diminish myself. If I don’t, I just start to see, “I’m able to do this.” I tell people when they sometimes say, “I have no confidence.” I say, “Yes, you do.” They said, “No, I have no confidence.” I said, “Yeah, you do.” They went, “No, I have no confidence. It’s one of the reasons why I’m here to take this course with you.” I say, “You’re confident, but you have no confidence.” They go, “What?” I said, “All you’ve been proving to me is you are so confident that you have no confidence. That’s called confidence.” You think if you’re confident, you shouldn’t feel nervous and scared. You’re looking to a feeling as opposed to discovering, “I’m able to do this. Not as well as somebody who’s done it 1,000 times. I’m doing it on the 1st or the 10th time. Why would I expect to be?”
A golfer practices 500 swings a day, you go out once every six months. It’s like, “Where is your perspective? You go out once every six months. You’re in beautiful real estate and extraordinary vistas. You’re outside and you’re moving your body. You’re usually with friends. What’s not to enjoy?” Discover how able you are and every time you do it, you become a little more able. It’s important, compared to no one else. To start acknowledging also. You keep reminding me things. It’s cool because I travel a lot in Asia, but it’s also true in America and Canada that parents have this extraordinary ability to manipulate their kids regardless of how old they are. When I hear older people in their 20s, 30s and 40s keep talking about their parents and what they’re doing and how they do it, I said, “Do you ever step back and go, ‘That was awesome. I want to tell you how you are manipulating me is masterful. You keep doing this. You tell me this. You tell me how a bad son I am or a bad daughter I am. You are the best. Good for you.’”
They go, “What’s the matter with you?” You go, “Nothing. I just realized that the part of your gig is to make me feel bad about who I am.” Even though they said, “Think for yourself,” they didn’t mean that. It’s think for yourself as long as you think the way I think. On Downton Abbey, they were talking about the daughter getting a new frock, what they call it. She said, “You’re going to let her pick something?” She goes, “Absolutely, as long as she picked something that I like.” That was the mother talking about her daughter. My parents are like, “Anything you want as long as you’re happy. Become a garbage man.” They didn’t mean it. Even though it was an extraordinary amount of money in waste management. They were like, “Doctor.” We have to realize the games that they have learned how to play that their parents played on them, but we don’t appreciate them because then, we would start being responsible not being a victim of them, but saying, “I hear everything you’re saying. Fabulous. I know you love me. I know you’re scared for me. I know you’re worried about me. Except you told me to think for myself and I believe that. Now, I am and you have to appreciate it.”
The hardest thing for kids with their parents is the individuation process. We normally think that takes place between 14, 20, 21 or 22. Sometimes, it takes until 30 or 40 or 50 to finally say, “I am separate from my parents. That’s the individuation of seeing myself separate from those that brought me in. I’m not dishonoring them. I’m not disgracing them. I’m not a bad son. I just choose for myself on how my life is going to be,” which we have to realize our parents did that too. We don’t applaud them enough for being the extraordinary manipulators that they are. Tone, as well as words that you need to be conscious that you don’t pass that on to your kids. We are not the same perpetuating the same thing. Each generation is incumbent on us to raise our parents and then to raise our kids and let our kids raise us to break the boundaries so that we’re not so invested in being my way.
It’s the thing where this message is so critical and at the same time, it’s timeless. What’s exciting to me is not you and I. This is great anyway because it brings back those memories right away. I’m right back where we were. I’m thinking, who’s going to read this years from now? Maybe kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, nieces, nephews and their generations. That message will go on timelessly. That to me is legacy.
The Coronavirus is in our face. That’s evident and I still hear people have a conversation that they think it’s a hoax. It’s been blown out of proportion. I said, “Talk to everybody who died. That’s not a hoax to them. Everybody that’s sick and all the doctors and nurses who are working to save us.” This is a crisis in our face. However, years from now, we may not have the in-our-face crisis but whatever we haven’t confronted and met with was those many crises. If we don’t handle it right away, it will be like a little hole in a little pipe, “I don’t need to change the pipe because it’s just a little hole. I’ll just tape it up.” Ultimately, that becomes a big leak. The damage done by the big leak is far beyond what would have cost you to handle the little leak.
If we don’t pay attention to each other, the relationships, the business and ourselves, every one of those suffer. Why do we wait for a major crisis as opposed to the many challenges along the way and start getting good at handling the mini challenges so when the big one comes, we’re already prepared? Especially with yourself. You look great, but I know when I saw you at your peak of being so busy, there was hardly any time for you, you were getting exhausted, and yet you’re willing yourself partially because you gave your word, but partially because the surrounding atmosphere was, “Do more. Don’t worry, you’ll recover later.” We can’t do that. There’s no athlete after every competition that doesn’t go, “I need to recover before I go out there.”
Even for me, you’re right because I’ve been home. I’m not going anywhere. Even though I’m busy online, I have used this time. I’ve been praying and meditating more. I’m trying to slow down. It is that feeling for all of us that there’s so much out here that we miss all the time because we’re doing instead of being. We have more to talk about. Larry’s ready to be committed. Not that I’m telling all of you, but The Mentor Studio does Vertical Live calls and Larry’s committed to doing one of those. We’ll also talk more about Mastery. That’s important. You’ll see that on the site because he’s going to send me his headshot and bio. At the same time, we’re here for all of you. Larry, this has been great. It is truly the difference we’re going to make. This has been an empowering session and there’s so much more. This is just the beginning. It’s getting that message out. Any last little tidbits before I say my goodbyes to all these wonderful people?
Three things. If you are speaking with someone, pay attention to them and be in a relationship with them so that whatever you say, even if it’s two words, it has a chance to resonate. You have to look to see if what you’re saying lands. Number two, take a breath. Don’t try to jam twenty minutes into a two-minute conversation. Discover in two minutes what is the most important and then stop. The third thing, make sure you say and that they see you say goodbye to them so that you don’t finish the relationship before you finish.
Discover how able you are. Every time you do it, you become a little more able. Click To TweetLarry, thank you for being on. We’ll be having more from you. You were an important part of my life going through transitions at that time. It’s a huge difference. Everybody out there, thank you for those that are responding, essential workers, those that are staying at home and everybody. Healing is what it’s about and let’s be smart. Let’s be a community, a family and let’s be it instead of being at the moment. Follow what Larry said because it’s awesome.
We appreciate you spending your time with us. We know you have a lot to do in your life. You’re going to get back to being busy and that’s okay but take this time to read. From myself, The Mentor Studio and Vertical Live, Larry Gilman, thank you so much. If a lot of you have heard of Larry Gilman, put it in Google and trust me, it comes up everywhere. Put it in Safari, it comes up everywhere. You’ll see the Mastery and you’ll see his background. He’s truly brilliant. Thank you again, Larry. Thank you to The Mentor Studio audience. Whatever time in the world you are, have a great morning, afternoon or evening. Be healthy and be happy. We’ll talk to you all soon.
Important Links
About Larry Gilman
Larry facilitates:
- The MASTERY of Self Expression
- The Leadership Workshop
- The Next Step
- The Abyss
Larry Gilman has been leading the MASTERY Workshops in Vancouver since 1982. He has helped many people approach their vulnerability, overcome blocks to creativity, and own their power, allowing participants to create what is most important for them in their lives.
Larry’s full time work is with Fortune 500 companies and startups, as a communication consultant with CommCore Inc. He has 27 years of experience and has led over 800 workshops for more than 10,000 people.
Larry has extensive experience with hospitals, managed care providers, pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies. He also has experience in the technology, telecommunications, public relations, public affairs, venture capital and entertainment sectors.
In finance, Larry has prepared clients (CEOs and senior management) for IPOs, media and analyst/investor presentations. Some of his clients include the US Government, General Motors, AT&T, Sprint, Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, eBay, Qualcomm, Coca-Cola, Nokia, Chiron Pharmaceuticals, UPS, Zurich, and numerous federal agencies.
Larry counsels clients during product launches, transitions, and other critical milestones. He works with clients by helping them develop compelling messages for a wide range of internal and external presentations and media interviews.
He has also worked with speakers for The End Hunger Project, Toastmasters, Context Training, and has worked with a variety of celebrities.
Larry has vast experience in media both in front of and behind the camera, as an actor and an award-winning director. Larry has appeared in Broadway and off-Broadway productions, as well as numerous television TV programs and feature films.
Larry is a member of The Screen Actors Guild and American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. He is a founding member of The Actors Institute in Los Angeles.
Larry also runs Homeward Productions, a production company, committed to producing works of art in theatre, education, television and film. Its goal is to encourage individuals to get involved, expand, and uplift their humanity while passing this time on earth.
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