Does the glass slipper fit when you walk down the aisle of relationships? Do the roots of your connection run deep? Shawn Lauzon, the founder of Quantum Connecting, joins us in a wholesome discussion on establishing deeper connections with others. We must learn to dance and feel its music in relationships, but that is only possible when we harmonize our feminine and masculine divinity. He explains what Human Design is and identifies its four types. Shawn emphasizes that we should get out of our heads and let our Human Design take control. Don’t miss the pumpkin carriage because Shawn Lauzon will give us a ride to create a magical relationship!
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Quantum Connecting: Eradicating Loneliness And Establishing Deeper Connections With Shawn Lauzon
I am excited to be with my dear friend Shawn Lauzon. He is a relationship coach. He created Quantum Connecting. Welcome, Shawn.
Thank you, Jonathan. It’s great to be here.
A relationship has lots of implications. What does the word relationship even mean to you?
It’s a great place to start. Your relationship is how one relates, connects, knows, and appreciates anyone. That could be yourself, your family, your friends, your partner, or your lover. When we talk about what that relationship is, it can always be deeper. It can be more than we understand the other person. That’s what I love to do. I understand one’s self through emotions, communication, talking, and spirituality. I then help you to know what that means so that you can have more closeness and intimacy.
I’m reminded back to what I thought the connection was many years ago. I was trained as a software developer. It was a very natural thing for me because the connection that I understood was mental. It was a safe place for me to be in. All my connections with other people were all intellectual. My dad’s intellectual. The issue with that was that they weren’t deep. I had lots of activity partners. They were like, “Do you want to go do this or that together?” That felt good to have these activity partners because even before then, in high school, I didn’t have any friends. It felt like a step up to have activity partners.
After many years of growth and learning what it meant what a friend could be, I realized there is so much more. We can connect with our emotions. If I have an emotional connection with someone, which most men, and I’d love to hear what your experience is, too, don’t have connections with other men that are emotional like that. We think of actions. What I learned is how much deeper and more meaningful these relationships were. Once I discovered that, I love to share that with other people. I’m answering all of your questions. We didn’t even have an interview. I’m going to monologue for an hour.
It’s all right. I love it. You’re right there. A lot of men have been taught away from their emotions. We’ve been taught, “Don’t be sad. Don’t be angry. Don’t be afraid.” Emotions are, in a way, taught away from us. As young children, we feel emotions even if we don’t know how to assign words to them. Baby boys cry. I was talking to my father a couple of months ago. He mentioned that he was not taught to cry and crying was a difficult thing for him. I don’t know whether you work more with men or women, but how do you begin to create that connection between us and our emotions? Where do you start?
I work both with men and women. In fact, what I’ve been looking at is intimate relationships. I love to start with women because of where people in intimate relationships want to have growth from. When I’ve talked to women, I find they’re the ones that want to expand their intimate relationships. Men, when they’re in a relationship, feel more content. This is not for everyone but in general. That’s why I’ve been working with women in that aspect.
In general, working with men is getting into the body. This is what helped me as well. It is through dance action. It’s not salsa. It’s not a dance like this. Typically, that is step 1, step 2, step 3, and step 4. Eventually, you learn the steps from your head, and eventually, you can get into the body. That’s a long way around. What I do is get them into their bodies so that they can understand emotion. That’s putting on music.
Let’s imagine there is music going on. Let’s say I’m a guy that doesn’t know how to dance, which I didn’t. I didn’t think I knew how to dance. I wouldn’t go to dances in high school at all because I didn’t know how to dance. Probably, I would do this step back and forth. When I work with guys like this, it’s like, “Listen to the music.” Women, too, but men have a little more of a struggle. We, as humans, dance. All humans dance. Part of our biology is to dance.
As you wisely said, men often get taught into us, “Don’t cry like a baby. Don’t do this. Man up.” What does man up mean? Be hard. There’s some truth in that. We want, as men, to be solid in our structure, but also being able to combine the masculine and feminine is something that is important for us to be quantum men.
Let’s say I’ve got music and I’m moving. I’m feeling it within my body. That’s it. That may look like nothing, which is fantastic because you’re not controlling it in your mind. The movement will always happen. There may be some toe-tapping. You’re feeling it. When you’re feeling this in your body, emotions will naturally arise. That’s all it is. You’re letting your body express itself in the way that the body wants to express itself. From that bodily sensation comes emotions.
We talked a little bit before about feeling the feeling. That’s all this is. It’s feeling the feeling that our bodies typically, especially as men, hide because it doesn’t feel masculine. It’s human to feel our emotions, love our emotions, and connect with our emotions. So much of connecting with ourselves and others is the emotional connection. We have these mirror neurons. That’s all this. It’s connecting emotionally.
Do we need to begin to redefine what masculinity means?
Yes and no. I’m reminded of people in the manosphere also. I find interest in lots of different things. Some of this is this disappointment of what toxic masculinity is. We don’t want to have toxic masculinity as well. From the yogic perspective, it’s combining masculinity and femininity into me as a man who embodies both of those things.
I wouldn’t want men to think we have to be like hairy women. We, as men, are men. We should be the leaders in an intimate relationship. I’m going to get in trouble with women because I think that women should not be leaders. That’s completely not true. As men, it’s important for us to keep our divine masculinity but at the same time accept things that are feminine. Those combine for me as a man.We need to keep our divine masculinity but simultaneously accept feminine things. Click To Tweet
We hear the term divine feminine a lot. We don’t hear the term divine masculinity a lot. What is that?
Can we get into spiritual stuff here?
Let’s get into it. What is it? I want to know.
I am trained from the yogic perspective. There’s Shiva and Shakti. Shiva is divine masculine. Shakti is divine feminine. This is great. This is very useful for intimate relationships as well. The divine Shakti is movement all over the place. You see this in, “Women are crazy.” Crazy, to me, is beautiful. I love the craziness. I’m using this thing because it’s not a derogatory term. It’s movement. It’s, “This is interesting.” It’s movement when something arises and an emotional response occurs. A woman will tell you, “I hate you. I love you,” all of it, which is all true at the moment. It’s all the dance. As men also, we need to realize that is the beauty of women, to be in this dance.
The divine Shiva is pure consciousness and pure presence. If I am in my Shiva, it is just presence. There is no movement. Without Shakti, Shiva is dead. Without Shiva, Shakti is crazy. We combine these within ourselves. Usually, there is more masculine or feminine dominance, but we combine these within ourselves. That is what hatha yoga is. Ha and Tha are masculine and feminine combined together. Not to be androgynous, but to have both of these within ourselves. In male and female relationships, it’s the same thing. This could be a friend. I do believe men and women can be friends together. It can be intimate relationships. It can be friend relationships.
The divine masculine is presence. Be in an intimate relationship and say, “What is the one thing that the female wants or the more feminine aspect?” This also works in homosexual relationships. It’s presence. It is taking time. Even this, I am giving you my presence. I am with you. Isn’t that so much better than, “I got this. Tell me what’s on your mind. I’ll do it at the same time.” People hate that. Why do we do this?
In your intimate relationship, if your partner says, “I want to spend time with you,” this is what the women want. Women always want attention. As Tony Robbins says, “All the effing time,” though he usually says a different word than eff. That’s when women want attention. As men, we can sometimes have all these things to do. We’re like, “Here’s my attention,” and split the attention. That is not how the divine masculine works. It’s about presence. I give you 100% of my time. That’s a very powerful thing. If I gave one tip to guys, be present. Slow down, be present, and give your 100% presence and attention to anyone you’re talking with.
This is for all relationships, not just intimate ones, right?
Yes, even if you’re at a networking thing or anything. We could be talking with another person and scanning the room to see another person to talk with. Give the person your undivided attention. This is what made Bill Clinton such a fantastic connector. You were the only person in the room he was talking to. How great does that feel when you are the most important person in the room?
That’s powerful. I know you’ve been studying Human Design as well. How does this play into Human Design? Are they connected or are they two separate philosophies? I don’t know a lot about Human Design, so I need a little education here, too. In terms of those who are reading this, I might not be alone.
Let’s start with where it is about in the head. A lot of us are in our heads. We make decisions based on the mind. Human Design is a synthesis of the Chinese I Ching, astrology, and quantum mechanics. There might be something else, but those are the main things. We think our minds should be used for making decisions. It is not. The purpose of our mind is to gather information by reading books and watching movies. All of these things to get information is what the purpose of our mind is.
Our mind has hijacked our whole experience to think its job is to make decisions, and it’s not. Human Design is a lot of things. The most important thing for Human Design is to get out of our heads for making decisions and use other parts of our body for making decisions, and that is based on your design. There are four different designs. There are different types. There are generators, manifestors, projectors, and reflectors. I’m not going to go into the four types, but I’m going to talk from the perspective of a generator. 70% of humans are generators. Most of the people reading this probably are generators. When a generator makes decisions, it’s called a strategy based on intuition. Ask me a yes-no question.
A factual question?
Do I want to do something?
Do you want to go dancing?
Yes. The sound the generators make is mm-hmm. That is a very fast thing. It’s not where or when. My intuition goes, “Uh-huh.” There’s a sound with it. That’s about generators. If there is no sound, it’s uh-uh or a tightening of the energy. That means my body does not want to do that. That is the strategy for Human Design. The most important thing for people that practice Human Design is to use their strategy to make decisions, not their intellect. It’s everything. In the literature, it’s like, “What do you want to eat here?” Here’s the funniest thing. There are two generators for dinner. Let’s say you’re a generator, and I’m not sure if you are or not. I’d be like, “Do you want to go to dinner?”
I do. I didn’t say, “Uh-huh.” I processed and checked in, so I’m like, “I do want to go to dinner with you.”
What you did when you did this is you did it as you normally do. You processed it in your head. From a Human Design perspective, and I don’t know if you’re a generator or not, you might be an emotional authority. There’s splenic authority and emotional authority. I’m sorry. Scratch that. It’s sacral authority. The spleen is part of it. Sacral authority is this uh-huh. Emotional authority is you’re checking in with how you feel.
I feel happy when I’m imagining going to dinner. Sacral authority is uh-huh. It’s the sound uh-huh. You felt into it. That’s the next step in evolution. Rather than thinking about it completely, this is what we do as evolved people. We feel into it. The Human Design is immediate. To determine what your Human Design is, it goes through your birthdate, birth time, and birth location. We should have done this beforehand before the talk.
I want to give you all my info and go, “What am I?” It’s predetermined. It’s not based on how I am, but based on where everything aligns. That’s what I am.
That’s exactly right. At a certain point, the energies of the neutrinos coming from the center of the solar system came through and imprinted on us. That’s what it’s called. It imprinted on us our unique Human Design.
Getting back to relationships, is it important or beneficial to know the Human Design? It’s not that you got to know the Human Design with someone you meet at this moment. If you’re having a longer-term relationship, either a romantic partner or a business partner, is it beneficial to know there’s Human Design? Would you react differently and respond differently to them?
Yes. In this example of something as simple as going to dinner, as a generator, I am meant to respond. This is a silly example. I might ask you if you want to go to dinner, but I don’t know if I want to go to dinner unless someone asks me. What you would do then, if we knew we were generators, you would then ask me, “Do you want to go to dinner?” I’d be like, “Eh.”
I hear those words. A reflector was one of them. Isn’t that then more of a reflector, or am I making that up with the words and I do not understand this?
You’re making that up. We think that they mean something in this specific context. The generator doesn’t sound like I’m supposed to respond. Generators are there because generators are the builders of society. We can go and never get tired as long as we follow our strategy. Many generators get into a job because we say, “Yes. It’s what I’m supposed to do.” We get burnt out because we haven’t followed our strategy. This is what’s important for everyone, especially generators or for all Human Design people. It’s to follow your strategy so that you don’t get burnt out.
Here’s how this whole thing works. Here’s the philosophy around it. We’re all here to work together to show our unique skills. This type is the first four things. It goes very deep. There are gates that are activated all the time. When two people come together, they activate certain channels, which creates a third being. There’s you, me, and us.
What Human Design teaches us is that we’re all here to work together in different ways. How you show up in the world is supposed to be very different from how I show up in the world. It’s even more than how we were educated and how we’re socialized. At our core essence, how you are meant to create beauty in this world is different than mine.
That’s powerful, especially if we bring this back to relationships with that information. When we’re in relationships, we want the other person to show up in the world as we do. We want them to want to do the things that we want to do, think the same way that we think, and have the same solutions that we have. What you’re highlighting is important. We’re all supposed to show up differently. If we can begin to understand that and honor the other person for showing up differently instead of trying to convince them of our way, we’d all be a little bit more peaceful. There’s not a question in there. That’s what I’m getting from this.
It’s exactly that. I love that you said the words peace and peaceful because it is peaceful. I did a little video on this. I put this on TikTok or Instagram. I don’t remember. It was my relationship with others. In my design, if I talk and I’m not meant to talk at that point, people won’t even notice me. This is in my design. Sometimes, that happens. I used to be, “No one sees me. I’m unseen.” I start beating myself off. I realize that’s part of my design. This has nothing to do with people liking me or not liking me. What it means is the right time for me to talk is not all the time.
Some people are great orators and they’re meant to talk frequently. I’ve got a throat chakra. My throat chakra is open. There are closed, defined, and undefined. Open undefined is a positive and negative. I can do acting very well. I can hear their accents. I’m good at languages. This is part of my design. What’s not part of my design is I don’t want to say I want to be a good speaker. I’m still working on this. I’m figuring out what’s the best way of actualizing some of these things, like a closed throat versus open throat chakra. I don’t want to get into that. Another open-throat chakra is going around and not being direct with, “Here’s what I want to say. Here’s how to say it. Step 1, step 2, and step 3.”
For everyone reading, I want to highlight that these are relationships. These don’t get edited. We edit it, get the perfection out of it, and then get a bunch of highlights. A real connection is figuring it out as you’re going through it. I opened up. I stumbled on my words. We have to, in our minds, get beyond what we think is supposed to be the perfection of speech, about explaining, and even about what relationships are. It’s not this edited three-minute thing.
I love that. What it says is also we are attracted to our opposites. We know this. We are attracted by an intimate relationship and by two people that connect with each other. Let’s say the amount I want to talk can go from a 1 to a 10. Let’s say I am a seven. If I try to talk and have a relationship with someone else that’s a seven, we’re going to be stumbling into each other all the time. We’re going to be trying to talk to each other like, “How come this person doesn’t listen to me?” We’re designed differently. There’s beauty in this specific way that I’m designed and beauty in the specific way you’re designed. I may not resonate with everyone, but I’ll resonate with the people that I resonate with.
It sounds like there’s a lot of information we need to get before we get into a relationship like how often you want to talk and how often the other person wants to talk. There’s a lot of info here. Let’s say I need your help. We’re in a relationship. Where’s the starting point? We went over the divine feminine, divine masculine, Hatha part of the world, Human Design, and how much we need to speak. Where’s the starting point for us?
If we’re in an existing relationship?
Yeah. If I called you up and said, “I’m in a relationship. I need some help,” where would you look first or where would you advise first? It’s one or the other.
The first thing is to get to know what’s going on, what you want out of your relationship, and what the struggles are. The first thing in an intimate relationship, often when I talk with men and women, is this polarity. It’s the polarity of the masculine and the feminine. We, in society, are a bit homogenizing. It’s like, “Here’s how people should be.” Gender is a construct, so we should all be similar. We should all be emotional. There’s truth in that in emotion. We should be more connected with emotion. We want to, in an intimate relationship, emphasize our differences.
I started reading an Esther Perel book. I love it. She’s a fantastic psychotherapist. Let me stay on track with the question. The eroticism, as she would say, and I would say the passion, is in the differences. If we want to have a passionate relationship, we want to accentuate the polarity differences. That meant men being more masculine and women being more feminine.
Women go off to work often because they live in a man’s world. I hope I don’t get in trouble for that. In a world that rewards masculine driving forward, women get into this, which is great because they’re being successful in the way that is the way to work. I am not a business coach, so if there’s a different way of being successful as a woman, that’s awesome, too. I’m not saying this is the way that one should show up in the business world. What I am saying is that often, women show up in business as masculine, and then when it comes home, they wonder how come this isn’t working. Hmm.Women go off to work often because they live in a man's world. In a world that rewards masculine driving forward, women get into this. It's great because they're being successful in the way that is the way to work. Click To Tweet
There is a solution to this if you are coming to me. You might be saying, “I feel emasculated. My wife comes over and I can’t do anything to make her happy.” It’s to lead. For a man, be in the presence and lead. I would say, “When was the last time you took her out on a date? When was the last time you planned the date and said, “We’re going to do this. I don’t want you to do anything,” and allowed her to relax?” I talked to someone at. He’s like, “I don’t know. It’s been a decade or so.” If you haven’t taken your wife out on a date in years that you didn’t plan at all, you’re not leading. You’re expecting her to lead.
When you’re expecting her to lead, she’s stepping into her masculinity, which she is totally capable of doing. If I asked most women, “What would you want? Do you want to plan the date yourself or do you want him to take care of it if you trust that he can do it as well?” I’m sure the majority of women will say, “I can relax?” I’d be like, “Yes.” That’s what I would recommend. Take her out on a date. Go out on a date.
I have a couple of more questions. One, how do you define success for yourself?
For me, success is a feeling of when I’m seeing my impact on other people. If I had a successful day, I have talked with people, connected with them emotionally, and provided some value for them. That’s what success is. It’s a broad term. If I think of a successful day, a successful day is I accomplished something. A successful interaction with my partner would be we’re enjoying each other’s company. There isn’t any sort of objective goal. I’d ask more deeply in what context because success, to me, only makes sense within a specific context.
When you started the answer, I found it interesting. You said success is a feeling, and then you went on to explain pieces of it. I’m curious about what that feeling is. How do you know that this feeling means success? What is that feeling?
Success, for me, is that it was a time well spent. A time well spent depends on the context. Time well spent in my business is that I made some amount of money. A time well spent in an emotional relationship is that I had my needs met. From a Tony Robbins perspective, what are my six human needs that are met? What are my top human needs? My top human needs are love, contribution, and growth.
This is good in intimate relationships, too. I reflected, “What does it mean to be successful with my partner?” It might be that I feel more in love with her. That’s a success. That’s a feeling. This is also something good for Human Design. There are manifestors and non-specific manifestors. The Think and Grow Rich or thinking something specifically and making that happen is a manifestor thing, not a generator thing. This is a whole other thing that I don’t think we have time for.
In the next conversation, we’ll dig into that.
I’ll say one thing. It’s not because you’re not a manifestor that it means you can’t manifest. There’s a different way of manifesting. Thank you, Jenna Zoe, who is the genius that opened this up to me. She does My Human Design. My Human Design is her brand.
I have one last question. What does self-love mean to you?
Self-love is I accept myself as who I am. There is no need for change. There is no need for growth. There’s me in who I am. I can say, “I love you.” I can think of reasons and evidence for that, but it’s all irrelevant because that’s self-love. Where I am and who I am is who I love. From that point of that self-love, that’s where the growth occurs. That’s because I love and accept myself 100%. I’m like, “I love myself. Shouldn’t other people want to love me? Some people will and some people won’t, but it doesn’t matter because I love myself.” It’s a revolution.“Where I am and who I am is who I love.” That's self-love. It's where growth occurs because you love and accept yourself 100%. Click To Tweet
I love it. That’s beautiful. Thank you so much for being here. I learned a ton. I got to dig in. We need to talk more. I got to research more. I got a lot to learn. Thank you so much.
It was my pleasure. I’m glad that we went to all these different things. I feel like we could talk for another hour.
Easily, and we will. We’ll see everybody next time.
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